Skip to main content

Dealing with Loss

Thought I'd share a few things that I've learned over the last several months about dealing with the loss of a loved one. As I mentioned in a previous post, my grandfather died in August and a few months ago we lost two church members in a two week period so it's been something on my heart and mind a lot.

1. Everyone mourns differently and needs to be given space and time to mourn in the way that is appropriate to them. All three experiences had some similarities but were also quite different. Our personalities play a key role in determining how we mourn and there really is no correct way to go about it. The key thing is that within the family, each person is given freedom to express their grief, without being attacked by someone else for not mourning the "right" way.

2. It is emotionally draining. First, you're confronted by the reality that you will no longer be with this person you love dearly. Then, you have to make all the phone calls to family and friends to let them know. You'll start coming to terms with that reality only to get a phone call where you have to re-live it all over again.

3. It is physically draining. Most people have a hard time sleeping and have no desire to eat. On top of that . . .

4. Funerals/Memorial Services are A LOT of work. One church member reflected on the experience and said it was like planning a wedding in a couple days. There are a million things that have to be taken care of and so many different options and decisions it can be overwhelming. Finding the right funeral home is the most important thing because it makes all the difference in the world. I also highly recommend making pre-arrangements (filling out some paperwork and make a few general decisions before your loved one passes) because it really makes things much easier to plan. I know it can seem wierd and almost like you're betraying your loved one but it makes things so much easier for the family.

5. It takes time. Once all the out-of-town family leaves and life gets back to normal, the real healing begins. You learn how to adjust to your new life while always being reminded about them. The holidays are a particularly difficult time of year and it's vitally important that the family is together as much as possible to support each other through it.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Advent Struggle -- Part 2

There's been a lot of excellent discussion on the previous post. I've stayed out of it for the most part to let everyone else let their thoughts be known. I thought I would write another post explaining my thoughts in a little more detail. There has been some discussion over this issue of style versus theology (At least at the very beginning). I think I might have used that terminology and I want to clarify that I reject the false dichotomy of style VERSUS theology because our style and methodologies REVEAL our theology. The methods we use to present a message tends to reveal as much about the message as the message itself. In no way do I believe that all young adults want praise music, full band, nice lyric graphics projected, etc. However, I think that the 90% (no real data just a guesstimate) of Adventist churches who think of that worship style as being from the devil reveals one of the major issues at the heart of the crisis -- The Adventist response to culture. The tradit...
29 comments
Read more

The Advent Struggle

I've been trying to write this for literally a month but haven't been able to. Not sure why but it just hasn't flowed. So, here's the attempt: On a regular basis, I hear from or about friends who have stopped going to church. There are numerous reasons why they are leaving but one common thread seems to be a feeling that church has become meaningless. They've felt this for a long time but kept going because they hoped it would get better or just because they'd feel guilty if they didn't. But, they aren't going to play the game anymore. The young adult exodus out of the church isn't news to really anyone but there's something important that I think will make this crisis be more severe. When you examine recent Adventist history, there have been several crises of faith including EGW and Inspiration, Desmond Ford, and Creation/Science (to a small degree). What are the characteristics of all of them? 1. They are based on a doctrinal position and are v...
35 comments
Read more

Life of a Pastor

It was shaping up to be a long, draining Sabbath an Adventist pastor experiences quite often. I got up around 7am and didn't finish the day until 10pm (I did get a chance to sneak a nap in so that helped). Although too long, it provided a lot of thought-provoking experiences that made it manageable. The week turned out to be filled with good news. On Monday, a member had a baby so that was exciting. Another member had back surgery on Tuesday that went well. Wednesday, one of our members' sons was had a very rare and serious surgery. It literally took all day but by late afternoon we got the great news that everything had gone well. So, we were coming to church in a celebrative mood. Then, before Sabbath School started, a mother and daughter-in-law were crying and hugging each other because another daughter-in-law was given bad news about her cancer. The doctors have told her she has two months to live. This actual is quite typical in church. You have people coming full of prais...
3 comments
Read more